any second now...

MY COUSIN (MADRID) GETS TO GO BACKSTAGE FOR A MEET AND GREET, AND SIT ONSTAGE FOR THE WHOLE CONCERT FOR DURAN DURAN TOMORROW!!!!

Her friend won tickets from Star 100.7.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

In CD car player: "White Album" Duran Duran; Total time est to repair car yesterday: 6 hours; Actual time car was repaired: 2.5 hours (SHOCKER!); Amount mother spent on new furniture yesterday: $4K (whoa); Total time actually spent enjoying day off: 0

Am v. tired this morning. Yesterday was spent running round with mother making new furniture purchases and getting car repaired. Suppose it is alright because we got quite a bit accomplished. The living room will look SPECTACULAR when done...will look posh and classy in manner of Pottery Barn catalog (hmmmm...would one really consider that actually posh and classy?).

Kitchen cabinets are all done, and have FINALLY found tall kitchen dining table in same color as cabinets. Cabinets are blonde maple and is v. difficult to find matching dinette sets. Discovered set from referral from Jerome's to a place in National City called "Maple Cottage". Hurrah!

Got iPod changed to new one, because old one's click wheel would not work. Then found out that Apple has put out new 6GB iPod at same price as mine, and MY iPod is now $199. ARGH! Cannot keep up with so many changes! NOT FAIR!

Going to see Duran Duran tomorrow. I need to add the first album to iTunes library. GAAAAH...while updating my library last night, I accidentally deleted EVERYTHING THAT I SAVED. My cool little playlists are now GONE. So much for consolodating my library of music.

The storm has been quite scary. The rain has been substantial, but is now v. sunny as it should be.

Dad's anniversary is coming up and I don't know what to feel. I'm both anxious and apprehensive. I want these next 3 weeks to please just speed by. Pleaseohplease.

In car CD player: Depeche Mode "Remixes 84-04"; No. of bowls of cereal eaten today: 2; No. of wishes for a Western bacon-cheeseburger: 12345987804556

I want to go home. Am v. tired and v. sleepy. Sad that cannot buy "Trauma" (newest Colin Firth flick) on DVD because it's Region 2 or something like that, which means cannot buy here in US. Must wait until 3/22/05 to buy "Edge of Reason". Oh well.

Watched "Ray" and "Shark Tales" this weekend. "Ray" is spectacular movie, and "Shark Tales" is cute. Will buy Ray Charles songbook to learn "Georgia" and "You Don't Know Me" on piano. Went out with my sister shopping and to see new condo. V. nice condo! Just big enough for her and hubby, and has v. nice view of clubhouse and pool area. Am proud of my sister, and had a lovely time on Saturday.

Not really caring what self is typing right now. Just v. bored at work.

Not feeling v. well, either. Hate that house is still not in working order. Just want house to be normal now. Feeling v. unsettled and quite bothered.

OH..."The Bachelorette" is tonight, "Men Tell All".

Right. *sigh*

Mid-February Resolutions

Will not:

1. Worry so much about things that self cannot control. Cannot control response time of a certain individual, and although has been v. good so far, one day will not mean that self has been "chucked". Realize will have to actually be in working relationship to be chucked, but nontheless will not allow self to feel that way.

2. Eat crap that is constantly being brought to work. That is why there are boxes of cereal, brown sugar oatmeal, and healthy snack bars in desk drawers.

3. Go on mad shopping sprees, even after the Lenten season is over. Have realized how much money self has saved on restricting shopping habits, and would like to continue. Only go on mad shopping sprees when out of the city, state, or country, hopefully will do so in Italy or London this year.


Will:

1. Be sure to be grace under pressure and remember inner poise.

2. Make sure to put self in check when overwhelming feeling of...uh...being chucked takes over self. GAAAH...have absolutely NO other way of describing that feeling! Must sound like mad woman.

3. Make sure to be organized.

4. Get more sleep. Must not watch Colin Firth movies til self falls asleep on couch, only to wake up an hour before needing to go to work.

5. Do laundry once a week, and not let mass of dirty clothing pile up and OVER hamper.

6. Stop watching "Bridget Jones."

No. of emails missed regarding casual day wear: 1; No. of times have listened to song "You Don't Know Me" from "Genius Loves Company" on way to work: 5 ; No. of times have told self to get nails and hair done: 50 thousand

HURRAH! Mom put foot down and kitchen will be completed by Monday. It's always hard to work with friends in situations like this. Contracting a friend to do work is probably not the best idea for future reference. I feel bad for friend because he is trying to work with a full time job...but I think he bit off more than he could chew. He promised a little more than he could deliver, and it really is hard for 1 person to handle. But mom is really trying to be patient and with upcoming anniversary for father's funeral, arrival of relatives from Canada, and my sister's move...it's all a bit too much for her.

UNLV warned me this may end up like this...and he was right. But at least we didn't lose friend and he came last night to tidy up the garage for the cabinet delivery and impending appliance delivery on Saturday.

Work is v. crazy right now. Have to remind self that this is time for inner poise.

GAAAAH! If temp staff asks me one more question, I think I'll...GAAAAAH!

Back to work...oh dear.

HURRAH! Mom called and looks like all is well on the kitchen construction front. She spoke to my friend and he will come in the rest of this week and work all weekend to accommodate the delivery. I was so worried that things would get weird and hopefully things will be normal again.

GAAAAH! Just looked up this search engine that can find Colin Firth TV appearances (yes, it EXISTS!), and looks like I just missed his repeat appearance on SNL on 2/9/05. DAMN! Also missed John Mayer repeat appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. That was a FUNNY show, and I wish I recorded it. I missed the time and accidentally set the time-recorded for the NEXT day.

Need TIVO.

No. of beers last night: 1 (v. good); No. of Colin Firth movies watched: 1 (second disc of P&P...the lake scene...mmmm)

DOOM! Friend didn't call mom back or anything after not showing up to fix kitchen. Feel like Bridget Jones when Gary the builder left gaping hole in wall where new room extension should go. Must convince mom to not bother him for right now and allow him the chance to get in house and continue work. V. difficult indeed!

Went to birthday get together last night with work friends/urban family (not my birthday obviously). Good fun, went to Hungry Stick and had beers and greasy food. Realized just how much younger my work friends are than me, but so wonderful that they never care and always want me to join in their events and parties. They've always said that they never think about my age because I never make it an issue, and always am willing to make fun of it when it does arise (everyone is anywhere from 5 to 10 years my junior). They always jokingly say "I want to be like Sigh when I grow up!" which always made me giggle. Love work friends/urban family. We've become very close in the last 2 years, and they are a wonderful asset to my life.

Ok, I have an observation. It's a goofy one, so please bear with me. If you don't like my rants about Colin Firth, then please bypass these next few sentences.

I have noticed that at least every other week (sometimes every week) there is a movie on TV with Colin Firth in it. At the end of Jan, I saw "Bridget Jones". The next week, "A Thousand Acres". Week after that, "Shakespeare in Love". He is a character actor or supporting actor in so many movies, that one is bound to find a movie with him in it.

The truly funny movie "reference" that continued this theme was "You've Got Mail". He's not in the movie, BUT...Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) is reading a book that Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan)recommends and loves, which is "Pride & Prejudice". On the cover of said book is the BBC/A&E movie cover with COLIN FIRTH and Jennifer Ehle. Throughout the movie, there are references to Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.

If this continues, I can look forward to seeing Colin Firth on my telly all year long.

CD in car CD player - "Genius Loves Company"; kitchen status - no progress; panicked mothers - One, and EXTREMELY v. angry; Returned Colin Firth DVD - PRIDE & PREJUDICE (hurrah!)

DOOM! My friend has not really been going to my house for the contracted repairs to my kitchen, and the applicances are coming this weekend. I can postpone the delivery, but my mom is feeling neglected and is becoming more and more stressed as the day goes on. She has tried to contact him today, and he has not returned any of her calls. He text messaged me yesterday to deliver the cabinet paperwork.

Was told that the drywall and texturing would be done this week. I have faith, but mom has none. Am becomeing V. STREESED about situation and not sure how to resolve it.

Valentine's Day not so bad. UNLV not coming down this weekend due to a move (yet AGAIN, poor boy). He will be coming down at beginning of March. Was nice that he called and said "Happy Valentine's Day".

Purchased "Shark Tales" and "Ray" yesterday. Also purchased "Genius Loves Company" by Ray Charles which is soooo v. good. "You Don't Know Me" duet with Diana Krall is the sexiest song around.

Also bought the dual disc of "Heavier Things" by John Mayer. John Mayer does NOT need to put out another version of HT. Must release new album and not make us keep buying album over and over just because there are "special features" that make it different from the other albums of the same name. I already have 3 copies: the first copy when it came out, second when there was a special "live" disc, and now this dual disc thing with a special DVD bonus. I said I would not purchase another copy of HT, but I did. Although I'm glad I did, I don't want to buy another one.

Am stressed. Am really stressed. I'm afraid that the kitchen situation may prove to be fatal to a friendship.

No. of Colin Firth movies returned: 2; UNLV vs Mizzou score: 74-71 (go Rebels!); No. of life changing events this week: 1

GAAAAH! Had typed beautiful entry to blog only to find it didn't post. Cannot for life of me remember what self had written, so I have to be content with typing what is going on in my head NOW.

Am feeling a little better about this week. I know I'm still being vague, but I fear there is no other way I can be right now. What I can say is that these are the times when you see who your friends really are, and I have the loveliest of friends. Those that really care, are there for you when you think things are a bit bleak, and I can never thank my friends enough.

Am moving desks yet again. Hope this means it will result in a promotion. Not sure, would be great, though.

Happy thoughts today:
- Was suggested for nomination for our "Pink Flamingo" quality and teamwork award. Hurrah!
- Received email that the gal who writes those FABULOUS Bridget Jones fan fiction continuation stories had written a special Valentine's day entry...and sent it as a preview to those of us who signed her guestbook...hurrah, hurrah!
- Get to spend some quality time alone tonight to catch up on some thoughts and much needed reflection.

Ok, back to work. Trying not to remember this is awful Hallmark Holiday weekend of Valentine's.

BLECH

Do you ever wonder about destiny? How about serendipity?

I firmly believe that there are certain events that are "meant to be".

This was one of them.

I got into the office today, and one of my co-worker's left an email that said she would be gone indefinitely and it was sent on a Sunday afternoon. I knew something was wrong when she didn't come in on Thursday and Friday. I called her and she acted like nothing was wrong...but I had a feeling something was wrong.

Her father has been sick with stomach cancer for the better part of a year and a half, and has taken a turn for the worst. They believe he has days left, and they have removed him from chemotherapy.

My heart breaks for her because this is the same time of year that we went through the same thing with my father.

I send a pray to watch over her father.

No. of Eagles fans vs. Patriots fans at Superbowl party: 8-1 (I was the one!); No. of "new" Colin Firth movies purchased: 1 ("Circle Of Friends" because it was $5 at Circuit City!); No. of resolved fights: 1

Patriots won yesterday! V. nice victory I must say. Was the only Patriots fan last night, haha! I kept telling people NFC wasn't as good as AFC. Hurrah! V. nice to be proven right.

Dinner with Ten at Epazote was v. nice. Excellent dinner and company. I really needed it. It was a very nice evening, and the place was HOPPIN' with people. I wasn't in the mood to mingle, but it's nice to know it's there in case I ever get into that mood. I had been there with my other friend, but we haven't been to Del Mar in quite a long time.

Saturday, I went out with Gidget and we just hung out, ate McDonald's and talked all night. She has some news, but I will let her tell the world before I make it known here. Also, UNLV let me in on his hectic schedule. I think we are both very stressed, but it was nice to chat with him.

Sunday was of course the Superbowl game. It was a nice and mellow weekend. It's nice to have mellow weekends.

Back to work. Working overtime this week...GAAAAAH!

No. of Colin Firth movies STILL lent out: 4. No. of bowls of Special K cereal consumed in 1 month: 40.

It SUCKS to not have a kitchen. I am inadvertantly stuck in my Special K challenge because I have no bloddy choice! I can't cook anything except for microwave meals. I don't want to buy food everyday at work because it would defeat everything that I have strived for since July 2004. I know that I'm maintaining my weight, but it's so bloody BORING!

*sigh*

I'm glad to know that a lot of my friends out there are still keeping track of me through my blog.

*waving hello*

It makes rants like I had yesterday worthwhile. But it also makes me realize that so many of you see my little obessions, haha! I am going to download something that Blogger has so that I can upload photos into my blog. I've got this terribly HOT picture of Colin Firth from "Pride & Prejudice" on my desk top that I MUST post on my blog.

Ten and I are going to dinner tonight at Epazote in Del Mar. She forwarded an email about this San Diego Restaurants week and it's $30 for an appetizer, main course and dessert. We figured that the $30 paid for the appetizer and main course already, and the dessert ended up free. I'm just a tad bit strapped for cash, but I can swing it. I'm not going anywhere exciting this weekend except for my cousin's house for Superbowl on Sunday.

GAAAAH! My friend didn't come to work, and therefore didn't bring in my "Pride & Prejudice" DVD! I was going to have a lovely lie in this weekend and spend the night in Pemberly with Mr. Darcy...but NO! I have to watch "Love Actually" or "The Importance of Being Earnest" to hold me over until next week. I'm NOT about to make self take a treck to their apaprtment just to get that back.

I've actually got a lot more on my mind...that I can't do anything about. So I distract myself. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Like right now, it is a nice day outside with the Santa Ana winds making things warm and bright outside.

"I find solace in trivial things..."

I wrote that in a poem once. The line actually finishes with "...and in the end is you" because I wrote it about someone, who is no longer in my life anymore. But I really do find solace in trivial things. It think it's the only way for me to sort things out without having to be vocal about it. I tend to dive into things because it's easier than dealing with everything else. I'm definitely diving in deep into the whole "Bridget Jones" thing and only wish I discovered it sooner.

Only problem with finding solace in trivial things, is that I tend to pay TOO much attention to those things as well. I add too much meaning to one gesture, or make connections to things that don't quite add up and work myself into a frenzy over something that became over developed in my head.

Alright...self-analysis OVER!

Have a great weekend, and GO PATRIOTS!

No. of Colin Firth movies lent out: 4. No. of bitch sessions last night at happy hour: 1 really big LONG one.

Had interesting conversation last night at happy hour with co-workers. Appears that I am not the only one worried about marriage and family. It seems that a lot of people from 25-35 are worried about what it all means to be tied down to children and a husband and just aren't sure if that's the sacrifice they are willing to take.

I read an article that someone posted on line about this being a generation of "twixters". They say that people who are between 23-28 are't making hard and fast decisions about their lives. They are still graduating from college, even though it used to be that people wanted to graduate by at least 24-25. They are taking longer to make solid decisions and are floating from one job to the next, and one living situation to the next. Some say this indecision is fear driven, other's say it's just because they don't want to lose their independence.

I say what's happening now is recognition of a situation that has been happening since Generation X. I really think there is a dichotomy between what our parents considered "better" and what is considered "better" NOW.

Owning a house was probably easier back then, and now (especially in California) it's next to impossible. Do you get married just so you can afford a house, and therefore marry someone that you may divorce in 5 years...or do you go it alone, hopping from one apartment and roommate to the next? Is relying on your parent's income to help you out make you spoiled, or is it a reality check that maybe things aren't as good as we hope they are?

I really think that since the 80's, there has been this need to be accepted. All that blings isn't always gold, and I think that a lot of people are living beyond their means just to show that they could, if they really wanted to. I think a lot of people are in debt because the appearance of being successful is far more important that actually being successful...so there's a lot of young people who own a BMW and live in a posh studio apartment in the city, with nothing in their bank account and credit that would keep them in debt for the next 25 years.

The prevailing thought amongst "twixters" seems to be living for the moment, as long as the facade that everything is ok is kept up. There's a quote from "Less Than Zero" where Andrew McCarthy asks Jamie Gertz, "Are you happy, Blair? You don't look happy." Her response is, "But do I look good?"

Those people who can barely keep up the impression that everything is going well, can barely take care of themselves...so how can they take care of a family? Also, I see a generation of "American Idols" where if something absolutely great were to happen in the next instance, they need to be able to just pick up and "go to Hollywood" and leave everything else behind. So it's OK to have a disposable job and home because the grass is always greener.

As a direct contradiction to the "twixter" lifestyle, I've read that more and more families are "nesting". I saw a news report a couple of years ago that since 9/11, people are tending to stay home and not vacation anymore because it's just too scary in a world of terrorism, so they are making their homes into "castles" and investing a lot of money to make their homes as comfortable as possible.

So where does one go from here? It seems to me that back during my parent's generation, the decisions were made earlier. Families were settled long before they were in their 30's and that just doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I'm in my mid 30's now (GAAAAAH!), and have only got it halfway between everything.

Hmmm...didn't realize that would be a rant.

I've loaned out "Bridget Jones" yet again. I hate to be without, but I guess I'll just have to watch "Love Actually". GAAAAH! Cannot WAIT until "Edge of Reason" comes out. Did I mention that they actually have "Bridget Jones interviews Colin Firth" on the DVD? I saw a picture from it, and it really is Rene Zellweger as Bridget Jones, interviewing Colin Firth. There's also an interview with Colin and Rene about Bridget and Mark. GAAAAAAAHHH! They need to release it before March 22!

Back to work.