any second now...

So...I have no idea how to even type what I want to say, because I'm not sure what it all means in the "grand scheme" of things.

As it stands, someone who is becoming quite special said something very touching to me last night. Basically, he told me that I am the woman he wants to be with, but that he may not be the man I want to be with. But if I'm patient enough and if I am willing to wait, that he is doing what he can to settle himself to be the man I deserve.

He also said that he told me this because he knows what it would mean to be with me, and he will not miss out on an opportunity to be the man in my life.

Whoa.

I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before. I was completely taken aback.

Of course, my Doubting Thomas side says, "Who in the hell says shit like that and actually mean it? What fucked up Harlequin romance novel did he steal that from?"

Well, I think I need to find out.

Posted on My Space:

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Not so Super ending to the season Current mood: working

Hello Kiddies-

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas. I had a great one with my family...went to my cousin's new digs on Christmas eve and I got to see my beautiful niece practically everyday this weekend. I love that kid. She is the light of my life.

The bane of my existance at the moment are my beloved Chargers, who sent in the same team that played the Miami Dolphins a week before the Colts game. That team sucked, and was even worse against KC on Christmas Eve. There goes our hopes for the playoffs.

Are they a better team than last year? In some cases, they are. But they do have a very young defensive line, and they have a lot to learn, no matter how talented they are. I think Brees needs to sharpen his skills just a little more. He was throwing to LT a lot that game, and just couldn't hit the mark. LT isn't as tall and bulky at Gates, so overthrowing him isn't wise, Mr. Drew Brees. Plus it was muddy, and they were playing KC at home in Arrowhead. Lots of factors against them, and they just couldn't rise above it all.

So now, I have to root for someone...and I guess I'll go for the Steelers, to please one of my friends (won't he be happy to read this). I don't like any of the other teams playing, so I might as well go for a team who has fanatic that I know on their side. I'll need to borrow a "Terrible Towel" because I don't ever intend to own one of my own, thanks.

In other notes: I wish I went to the second night of John Mayer's set at Eddie's Attic. "Back To You" in any set is a set worth listening to.

Oh, I finally bought "Try!" by The John mayer Trio. I really really like it. Now I have to get the Herbie Hancock album with John singing "Stitched Up". I think that's a fun song and I keep thinking it's on "Try!".
John Mayer has really grown up musically. He really has started to hone his craft and I'm completely impressed with his instrumental as well as vocal ability. He's also a crafty little writer, and it's too bad that he had to remove his Pussycat Dolls blog entry. That was funny as all get out, and there are too many people here that just weren't in on the joke. If you think you "know" John in any way shape or form, then it should have been clear that he was joking. For Chrissakes, he wrote a letter to cherry tomatoes, shouldn't that have clued you in?

Alright kids, I hope you got everything you wanted for Christmas. If I do get what I want, then it would involve JD Fortune...and I'm pretty sure most of it will not be typed in a blog.

It's been real, 2005...but I'm ready for 2006. Big ups to all my homies, family, and GOD. I'm going to Disneyland.

xoxo,
Sigh

Currently listening:
Try! John Mayer Trio Live in Concert
By John Mayer Trio
Release date: By 22 November, 2005

Firstly...didja SEE MY CHARGERS on Sunday? Dear LORD they kicked some major "perfect record" ASS all over those Indy Colts. Manning was running away from Merriman like a kid scared of getting beat up by the big bully after class everyday.

Man Colts, it sure wasn't pretty for you...but it was BETTER THAN PRETTY for the Chargers. Unfortunately, this doesn't necessarily increase our chances of getting in the playoffs, although it doesn't hurt it either.

But it is bragging rights. 13 teams couldn't do what the Chargers did to the Colts...AT HOME.

So this next part, I can't cross post this on my space because the person this happened with has an account...and is on my friends list.

Don't go searching for who it is...well shit. I guess I can't stop you, so there you go...off to look. If I haven't told you personally, then you won't know who to look for. Unless you think it happened with JD Fortune of INXS or John Mayer or something. Then continue on that train of thought and let me know if your imagination is better than mine.

So...I had a little bit of fun last Friday night and kissed someone, drunkenly at first...then completely sober later. In all honesty, I wouldn't mind kissing this person again, but that would give him a lot of power and a major ego boost, so I am in the middle of deciding on whether or not it will happen again.

I'm pretty sure it will happen again.

Probably at a football game or something.

(Again...what I posted on My Space)

What NOT to say to a sports fan
Current mood: discontent

Okay.

I get that you may not follow any organized sports...let's say for example, football.

I get that you may have never attended a game, even just to accompany a date, friend or family member.

I get that you may not understand the game, nor would you care to.

I get that you may not have a favorite team.

I also get that you may not understand the hows or whys of the mood altering effects of when your team loses a game that may make or break a possible wild card position in the post season.
I get that you don't understand the PASSION for the game.

But...don't EVER tell me it's STUPID to feel that way.

When someone has followed a team for over 20 years and watched the highs, lows, good, bad and the ugly, then you can NEVER UNDERSTAND why it would affect your mood.

If you don't understand, then why would you even tell someone who DOES understand and DOES feel the way that I do about it that it's stupid?

Passion is not stupid unless it's misdirected or results in violence.

I am PASSIONATE about my San Diego Chargers.

I have followed them religiously since Air Coryell.

I rejoiced in the BEST GAME EVER PLAYED during the 81-82 season against Miami in the Orange Bowl when my Bolts won 41-38 in overtime.

I defended them even when people said they didn't deserve to go to the Superbowl in the 1994 season, losing to the 49er's.

I stuck with them when their record was 1 win and 15 losses.

I was around for that devastating missed field goal against the Jets last year, and I'm STILL HERE NOW.

Being that passionate about football and my San Diego Chargers...telling me that it's stupid to let a game dictate my mood just cuts to the core of this sports fan.

You should have kept your comment to yourself.

(I'm too lazy, so I'm posting the "My Space" blog here, too...)

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Content
Current mood: content

No, not like "the contents of this package are highly explosive", but content...as in happy.

I was talking to a friend about how much I absolutely love my niece. That when I'm feeling a little down or frustrated, I look at her picture and I can't remember what I was so stressed about in the first place.

He also said something that really hit home: How is it that you could love someone with such intensity that you literally just met?

Think about it: The baby was not a person 9 months ago...now she is this little helpless person that really doesn't do a whole lot except eat, sleep, cry and excrete bodily fluids. But she is precious and adorable, and I love her...so much that the love flows from within me and I remember when I heard her heartbeat for the first time or when I saw her for the first time right after she was born, how moved to tears I was. It was pleasantly overwhelming.

Of course I love my parents and my sister and I've also been in love once or twice. But I look at her...and everything melts away.

I'm going to cherish this for as long as I can because I know in about 15 to 20 years, I'm not going to remember this feeling when I'm picking her up due to a drunken phone call after a raging night with her friends and she's too sick to call her mother, so I have to lie to my sister that we really did spend the day shopping and the reason she's been throwing up is because of the bad fish we had at lunch and she just wants to sleep it off, so she's staying over.

*sigh*

Currently listening: The Swing
By INXS

I tried to post this on Saturday night, and it posted on My Space, but not here:

Beautiful Girl
Current mood: ecstatic

Mei-LinBorn: 12/3/05 at 3:12 am
7.5 pounds 19 inches

My niece is perfect. My heart burst at the sight of her and I cried the happiest tears.

The new parents are tired, but well, grandma is elated, and her only true auntie can't find the words to explain how this feels.

I know grandpa is smiling down, and oh so proud...

She is without a doubt, the most beautiful girl in the world.

First things first: I am SORE! We got a treadmill and an Ab Lounger this week. I did the treadmill on Wed, and the Ab Lounger last night.

As I sit here, I feel like I got beat up and thrown into a dark alley from a 2nd story window and landed on my ass.

Sooooo...the heavens are trying to tell me a couple things:

Luck is when opportunity meets preperation...

So what does "Shit out of luck" mean?

The INXS Virgin Megastore signing was yesterday in Hollywood...yup, the same Megastore I went to in October and "met" INXS.

I just read an account on the Rockband.com that not as many people showed up as originally projected, so there was ample opportunity to get something autographed and to have JD say "Hi Sigh" in front of my face, instead of a hug from behind.

I had contemplated whether or not I should go...but I would have wanted my cassette tape of "The Swing" with my ticket from March 31, 1988 so that I could brag about my fandom. Oh, and I would have wanted to grab one of my "Roots" sweatshirt to make JD take notice.

Yeah.

But alas, I messed up again. Just like when I should have gone to the "Rock Star: INXS" finale, I should have gone to this.

Well, I'll be in the same building with them on Saturday at the "Big in 2005" awards. I guess that will have to suffice until I find out if I won a meet and greet for the tour.

I don't intend on stalking JD or anything. If you know me, I just get on these "kicks" with certain celebs. But I would like to talk at length with him. He's beautiful...it's almost unreal.

Second signal from the gods:

Taurus
Daily extended (by Astrology.com)

Whatever it is you're clinging to or fretting about, do your best to let go -- at least a little bit. When you can divorce yourself from expectations and banish worry, things can occur organically -- and the fact of the matter is, it's unlikely that this situation is all about you in the first place. Try not to take it so personally. Yes, you're the center of your own universe, but you're only close to the center of someone else's.

I have been fretting about something, and from what I'm gathering, it seems like another misunderstanding. But how would I have known that, if I didn't find out what I did today.

Yup...cryptic again. Sorry. That's just the way the cookie crumbles, I guess.

Alright. So, I think my niece will be arriving on Monday or Tuesday by "labor inducement" or "induced labor", whichever you prefer. Unless my sister gives birth within the next 3 days, there's were the baby delivery information stands.

Someone brought their 3 month old to work, and when I heard the baby cry...I swear my heart fell out of my chest and into my stomach. I am more nervous and anxious than before.

Lunch is almost done. I may go outside for a breather. I won't be back until Wed, so have a great weekend everyone...and my little niece will be among us next week when I next check in with you all.

*Cheers!*