Wednesday, January 04, 2006
What a year. I can't even really go over all of the events that have affected me this year because they are too personal. Maybe someday I can disclose everything, when everyone else is comfortable with their own situations. It's not my place to reveal anything right now for them.
I can however, reveal how I have been feeling coming on 2 years on March 7, 2006 of my father's passing.
I can say that I learned quite a bit since then:
I learned patience.
I learned humility.
I learned tolerance.
I learned about the depth of my sadness, anger and happiness.
I learned to open my heart to possibilities.
I learned to truly love.
I know I have burned bridges out there with some of you...again, those of you may or may not still be reading this. I made decisions to ease how I live my life, and if you were a casualty of my self discovery, I'm sorry it had to happen that way...but it was necessary.
Where I have let go, I have also accepted. I'll have to say my beautiful niece has opened my eyes to love.
I thought I knew what love was. I love my parents, my sister, my relatives, my friends...and I have been in love. But what my little Squishy has taught me was that you can love something beyond words, even if you have never met that person before they took their first breath on this earth.
When I heard her heartbeat that one time I went with my sister to her doctor's appointment, I felt a sudden rush of emotion come out of me. I had never felt that before. Then when I saw her for the first time at the hospital on December 3, 2005...I felt such love and happiness. One of my friends said that she had never seen me so incredibly proud before...she said it was wonderful to see it in my eyes, and in my demeanor.
So now, I'm about to embark on something that could possibly be pretty darned incredible. Without saying too much, I haven't felt this kind of excitement in about 6 years. This is a big chance I'm taking...because I said that I wasn't going to so soon.
And it scares the living daylights out of me.
Happy New Year everyone.
I can however, reveal how I have been feeling coming on 2 years on March 7, 2006 of my father's passing.
I can say that I learned quite a bit since then:
I learned patience.
I learned humility.
I learned tolerance.
I learned about the depth of my sadness, anger and happiness.
I learned to open my heart to possibilities.
I learned to truly love.
I know I have burned bridges out there with some of you...again, those of you may or may not still be reading this. I made decisions to ease how I live my life, and if you were a casualty of my self discovery, I'm sorry it had to happen that way...but it was necessary.
Where I have let go, I have also accepted. I'll have to say my beautiful niece has opened my eyes to love.
I thought I knew what love was. I love my parents, my sister, my relatives, my friends...and I have been in love. But what my little Squishy has taught me was that you can love something beyond words, even if you have never met that person before they took their first breath on this earth.
When I heard her heartbeat that one time I went with my sister to her doctor's appointment, I felt a sudden rush of emotion come out of me. I had never felt that before. Then when I saw her for the first time at the hospital on December 3, 2005...I felt such love and happiness. One of my friends said that she had never seen me so incredibly proud before...she said it was wonderful to see it in my eyes, and in my demeanor.
So now, I'm about to embark on something that could possibly be pretty darned incredible. Without saying too much, I haven't felt this kind of excitement in about 6 years. This is a big chance I'm taking...because I said that I wasn't going to so soon.
And it scares the living daylights out of me.
Happy New Year everyone.
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