Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Things have been a little rough going these days.
My mom seems to have taken a turn for the worst as we approach the 2nd anniversary of my father's death. I'm suddenly faced with dating someone, and having to attend to my mother the same way I have been for the past almost 2 years.
Nothing has changed really. I still come home right after work like I normally do. Since I work with the guy I'm dating, it's easy to arrange to take him home or go out for a little while right after work (nope, he doesn't drive at the moment). In that regard, there has been a day or two when I do come home later than normal.
What has happened with my mom is the realization that my father is really not coming back. The first year was just coping with the idea. Now the idea has sunk in, and it's very painful and extremely confusing for her, and it's even more confusing for her daughters.
I honestly don't know what to do for her. She wants me home and there when it gets dark, and I try to do the best I can to be there. But this is a new dating situation. We aren't at ALL into the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing by any stretch of the imagination...but it is getting interesting and it is fun. So when it's outside of work, I try to see him when I can, and it's difficult with my mom and a "curfew" as my work buddy calls it.
Once my sister starts working again, I think things will improve. I believe my mom thinks that no one needs her. I especially believe that she thinks that she will lose me because I am dating someone. She completely freaked out last night when I went out with my neighbor because I came home at 945pm and it was dark. She just has been afraid of being alone since she was young and is just used to someone always being there.
I'd like to think I'm a pretty rational person. I can get wrapped up in a situation, but I try my best to make the seperation between what applies to me and what doesn't. I really have to make that distinction now that I'm dating someone at work. You see that person outside of work and talk to them on the phone, then suddenly at work you have to either act like you aren't familiar with that person, or saw them all weekend. The language has to change, and you have to not be offended when you hear the response to "How was your weekend?" and you hear "Oh, I went out with friends and watched football...you know, the normal weekend" knowing that it was you he was out with, and you that he watched football with all day, lol.
But I guess that since I've never been married, I just don't understand that tie to another person. The person who died was my father. He is and was very important to me. I had every intention for him to walk me down the aisle when the occasion would ever present itself, and I will never have that (I think that's my fear of marriage...but that's whole different story).
I'm trying to understand, and I'm trying to figure out my role as a daughter who wants to try to live a fairly "normal" life. I didn't think I'd date at all, let alone this soon (again, I'm being vague as to why that would be an important statement). So for me to even be dating is strange in of itself.
Ok, I need to go...but I will go into my "dating" situation in the next entry. It's lunch and I want to eat.
My mom seems to have taken a turn for the worst as we approach the 2nd anniversary of my father's death. I'm suddenly faced with dating someone, and having to attend to my mother the same way I have been for the past almost 2 years.
Nothing has changed really. I still come home right after work like I normally do. Since I work with the guy I'm dating, it's easy to arrange to take him home or go out for a little while right after work (nope, he doesn't drive at the moment). In that regard, there has been a day or two when I do come home later than normal.
What has happened with my mom is the realization that my father is really not coming back. The first year was just coping with the idea. Now the idea has sunk in, and it's very painful and extremely confusing for her, and it's even more confusing for her daughters.
I honestly don't know what to do for her. She wants me home and there when it gets dark, and I try to do the best I can to be there. But this is a new dating situation. We aren't at ALL into the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing by any stretch of the imagination...but it is getting interesting and it is fun. So when it's outside of work, I try to see him when I can, and it's difficult with my mom and a "curfew" as my work buddy calls it.
Once my sister starts working again, I think things will improve. I believe my mom thinks that no one needs her. I especially believe that she thinks that she will lose me because I am dating someone. She completely freaked out last night when I went out with my neighbor because I came home at 945pm and it was dark. She just has been afraid of being alone since she was young and is just used to someone always being there.
I'd like to think I'm a pretty rational person. I can get wrapped up in a situation, but I try my best to make the seperation between what applies to me and what doesn't. I really have to make that distinction now that I'm dating someone at work. You see that person outside of work and talk to them on the phone, then suddenly at work you have to either act like you aren't familiar with that person, or saw them all weekend. The language has to change, and you have to not be offended when you hear the response to "How was your weekend?" and you hear "Oh, I went out with friends and watched football...you know, the normal weekend" knowing that it was you he was out with, and you that he watched football with all day, lol.
But I guess that since I've never been married, I just don't understand that tie to another person. The person who died was my father. He is and was very important to me. I had every intention for him to walk me down the aisle when the occasion would ever present itself, and I will never have that (I think that's my fear of marriage...but that's whole different story).
I'm trying to understand, and I'm trying to figure out my role as a daughter who wants to try to live a fairly "normal" life. I didn't think I'd date at all, let alone this soon (again, I'm being vague as to why that would be an important statement). So for me to even be dating is strange in of itself.
Ok, I need to go...but I will go into my "dating" situation in the next entry. It's lunch and I want to eat.
Comments:
Post a Comment
