any second now...

I need to figure out how to decompress...but I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself. I did the same thing with my dad's death. I keep thinking I'm just supposed to be able to get over this and carry on as normal.

I can't...not all at once at least.

I have a feeling that someone believes that life should carry on as completely normal. Like, "Oh, now THAT'S over, we'll have fun again!" This person believes that just because all these revellations have been made...and I have accepted the situation fully, that everything can just go back to "the way it was". It has...to some degree. But expecting me to just do things the way we used to...except with this added new element (and sadly, minus a very big one), is just too presumptuous of this person.

I really wish I could distance myself from this person right now. I wish I could take "time off" without hurting this person's feelings. This person would not understand, and would think that my time off is a precursor to completely cutting off the friendship...which is NOT the case. I would never end my friendship with this person.

But it's too much. It's sensory overload. I'm crashing emotionally...and I'm doing it under the guise of unconditional love and understanding.

There is A LOT of noise in my head when I don't have music playing...