any second now...

Every now and again I have to sit still and catch my breath. I think I do it because I have to believe there is a certainty in my existence. So many things have changed lately that I can only handle the things that I know I am sure of: I am sure I am still here and I am sure that through all the doubts, it is still the same me.

I am unsure of my footing in my world because of the swirling I see all around me. Everything is lucid and racing past me at lightening speed, but I am still crawling at a turtle's pace. I have one foot in the past and one foot running just behind the future. I want to be in the present, but I keep getting betrayed by everything in front of me.

The noise in my head is deafening. So many thoughts and conversations ebb and flow, never stopping. It's because all the questions I had, I don't have anymore. But even though the answers make sense, they pose more questions...and the questions are now about me and where do I fit in all of this.

My question to myself is this: What happens now that the most extreme and unexpected answer to all my questions, is the one that makes the most sense?

The answer: There is not one thing I can do about it anymore.