Thursday, August 04, 2005
I started a blog entry that I have now deleted at least twice...maybe even trice. I get passionate about it one minute, then I abandon those thoughts the next because I'm not sure what I'm trying to say.
I think I've got it straight in my head now...and what I want to say is that sometimes I just get fed up. I get fed up with having to tippy toe around some issues, or try and understand others. I get fed up with people who try to destroy themselves and their lives, and then I get fed up with people who are too full of pride to see that they need to be knocked off their high horses.
I'm tired of explaining myself, and I'm tired of not getting enough of an explanation.
I hate wondering what's going on, then getting chastised for when I chose to clam up.
I'm getting tired. I'm getting fed up. I'm about to not give a shit about anyone but myself if things don't fucking lighten up.
Believe it or not, I am happy about a lot of things. But there are just certain parts of my life that I just want to say...to more than one person:
"Look...either you do, you don't. If you don't, then don't string me along...if you do, then fucking do something about it. Otherwise, be a better friend...or at least as good a friend as you were last year."
"Either you will stop destroying yourself or you will die, and you can't make me feel guilty for chosing to not watch you die after you promised that you'd stop. If you think you aren't going to kill yourself or destroy your life, you are really diluting your problem."
"Get him to tell me he's sorry. There is another life that is coming into this world...one that is related to the both of us, and I can't BELIEVE you have let this drag on for a year. Do something about this, and do it SOON."
"I NEED SPACE AND A VACATION!!"
"Daddy...I miss you so much..."
I think I've got it straight in my head now...and what I want to say is that sometimes I just get fed up. I get fed up with having to tippy toe around some issues, or try and understand others. I get fed up with people who try to destroy themselves and their lives, and then I get fed up with people who are too full of pride to see that they need to be knocked off their high horses.
I'm tired of explaining myself, and I'm tired of not getting enough of an explanation.
I hate wondering what's going on, then getting chastised for when I chose to clam up.
I'm getting tired. I'm getting fed up. I'm about to not give a shit about anyone but myself if things don't fucking lighten up.
Believe it or not, I am happy about a lot of things. But there are just certain parts of my life that I just want to say...to more than one person:
"Look...either you do, you don't. If you don't, then don't string me along...if you do, then fucking do something about it. Otherwise, be a better friend...or at least as good a friend as you were last year."
"Either you will stop destroying yourself or you will die, and you can't make me feel guilty for chosing to not watch you die after you promised that you'd stop. If you think you aren't going to kill yourself or destroy your life, you are really diluting your problem."
"Get him to tell me he's sorry. There is another life that is coming into this world...one that is related to the both of us, and I can't BELIEVE you have let this drag on for a year. Do something about this, and do it SOON."
"I NEED SPACE AND A VACATION!!"
"Daddy...I miss you so much..."
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