Wednesday, December 01, 2004
It's December 1st.
Wow. This will be my first Christmas without my father. I have never known a Christmas without him. I have no idea what that feels like, and I hate that I will know.
My mom and I got our tickets to Canada last night. I'm glad that we are going. I just don't want to be here. Thanksgiving was ok because UNLV was in town and it offset the fact that it was a holiday. By that I mean we went to his family's get together, then mine, then we just went out, so it didn't feel like a holiday. It felt like my normal time with him.
Christmas will be different. Christmas is always with all of my California extended family. My daddy usually plays Santa Claus. I can't imagine a gathering without him there. Other parties are ok because sometimes we go separately and sometimes I just miss my mom and dad because they've stopped by because they decided to go to Barona or something.
I don't think I could handle watching all the relatives together and not see my dad as part of the festivities. My sister is going.
OH...speaking of which...they had the talk last night. I was excluded from the conversation, but I kept my ear to the wall just in case my mom needed me. At one point, I hear my mom wail, so I ran to the living room area and tried to rescue her from anymore emotional pain. She overcame her emotion and walked me into the next room and said she would be able to handle it.
I guess things were resolved between the 3 of them...but my sister's husband said that he will not apologize to me just yet. He says that he has to "work on himself first".
What does that mean? Whatever. I'm never going to get an apology, so I'm not going to speak to him until I get one.
At least my mom is at peace, and that's all that matters to me. I don't have to be well liked by everyone, I'm not desperately narcissistic.
But I am the coolest person I know.
Wow. This will be my first Christmas without my father. I have never known a Christmas without him. I have no idea what that feels like, and I hate that I will know.
My mom and I got our tickets to Canada last night. I'm glad that we are going. I just don't want to be here. Thanksgiving was ok because UNLV was in town and it offset the fact that it was a holiday. By that I mean we went to his family's get together, then mine, then we just went out, so it didn't feel like a holiday. It felt like my normal time with him.
Christmas will be different. Christmas is always with all of my California extended family. My daddy usually plays Santa Claus. I can't imagine a gathering without him there. Other parties are ok because sometimes we go separately and sometimes I just miss my mom and dad because they've stopped by because they decided to go to Barona or something.
I don't think I could handle watching all the relatives together and not see my dad as part of the festivities. My sister is going.
OH...speaking of which...they had the talk last night. I was excluded from the conversation, but I kept my ear to the wall just in case my mom needed me. At one point, I hear my mom wail, so I ran to the living room area and tried to rescue her from anymore emotional pain. She overcame her emotion and walked me into the next room and said she would be able to handle it.
I guess things were resolved between the 3 of them...but my sister's husband said that he will not apologize to me just yet. He says that he has to "work on himself first".
What does that mean? Whatever. I'm never going to get an apology, so I'm not going to speak to him until I get one.
At least my mom is at peace, and that's all that matters to me. I don't have to be well liked by everyone, I'm not desperately narcissistic.
But I am the coolest person I know.
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