Wednesday, November 17, 2004
When do you figure out what is and what isn't worth it anymore?
Remember that whole fucked up incident in Las Vegas? Well, I really haven't been thinking about it too much with everything else in my life going on, so I finally decided to email my friend that had the bachelor party so we can make amends and move on.
But rather than just letting things be, he had to get his last jab in there. Instead of just letting accepting the fact that I wrote him, he turns things around and says that he's not mad at ME for taking so long in getting back to HIM about what happened. He said that "despite all the stuff going on" with my family that he's a little hurt it took me THIS LONG to get back to him.
I'm really angry at that. Everything smacks of extreme self centeredness and I just can't deal with that.
Let's see, what STUFF has happened in the last 8 months:
-My father died.
-My mother went to Canada for 2 months. In her absence, I have had to take care of all the bills, life insurance, car insurance, house, death benefits, final mortuary transactions and a great many other things with my sister to keep us afloat.
-My family went through 2 birthdays, a wedding anniversary, at least 4 major holidays and a great many family events without my father.
-My best friend moved to Las Vegas.
-My brother in law cussed me out and moved my sister and him out earlier than expected.
-We created a living trust for my mother and have had meetings with trust management every other week.
-I have become my mother's keeper and have planned everything around her and gladly so.
-My sister and brother in law found a condo and are going to be discussing all the details...after we haven't spoken to him in 2 months.
So yeah...if that's just STUFF that has caused me to just kinda forget about sending an email or correspondence out, then geez, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY.
But really, I'm not.
The people I keep close rarely reprimand me for what's going on right now in my life. My life is UPSIDE DOWN. My life is HECTIC. My life is unbelievably sad and tortured may more times than I let on in person. Why do I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE for anything? I don't give a shit if he's mad at me, and honestly, I don't think I even had to respond to him AT ALL.
If there is anyone that doesn't understand what I'm going through, let me tell you...I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF. One moment I'm up and happier than happy. Next thing I know, I'll be watching the Chargers play and I'm bawling by myself in my PJ's because I can't believe that my dad can't see what an awesome season they are having.
This is the time of year where my dad would have been at his PRIME. It's an election year. He would have been right there on the frontlines waving signs by freeway exits before he goes into work...just to make sure his voice is heard.
I think of my daddy EVERY SINGLE DAY WITHOUT FAIL. I cry at least every night or dream of him every week in some form.
IF THAT'S JUST STUFF TO YOU, THEN KISS MY ASS.
Remember that whole fucked up incident in Las Vegas? Well, I really haven't been thinking about it too much with everything else in my life going on, so I finally decided to email my friend that had the bachelor party so we can make amends and move on.
But rather than just letting things be, he had to get his last jab in there. Instead of just letting accepting the fact that I wrote him, he turns things around and says that he's not mad at ME for taking so long in getting back to HIM about what happened. He said that "despite all the stuff going on" with my family that he's a little hurt it took me THIS LONG to get back to him.
I'm really angry at that. Everything smacks of extreme self centeredness and I just can't deal with that.
Let's see, what STUFF has happened in the last 8 months:
-My father died.
-My mother went to Canada for 2 months. In her absence, I have had to take care of all the bills, life insurance, car insurance, house, death benefits, final mortuary transactions and a great many other things with my sister to keep us afloat.
-My family went through 2 birthdays, a wedding anniversary, at least 4 major holidays and a great many family events without my father.
-My best friend moved to Las Vegas.
-My brother in law cussed me out and moved my sister and him out earlier than expected.
-We created a living trust for my mother and have had meetings with trust management every other week.
-I have become my mother's keeper and have planned everything around her and gladly so.
-My sister and brother in law found a condo and are going to be discussing all the details...after we haven't spoken to him in 2 months.
So yeah...if that's just STUFF that has caused me to just kinda forget about sending an email or correspondence out, then geez, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY.
But really, I'm not.
The people I keep close rarely reprimand me for what's going on right now in my life. My life is UPSIDE DOWN. My life is HECTIC. My life is unbelievably sad and tortured may more times than I let on in person. Why do I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE for anything? I don't give a shit if he's mad at me, and honestly, I don't think I even had to respond to him AT ALL.
If there is anyone that doesn't understand what I'm going through, let me tell you...I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF. One moment I'm up and happier than happy. Next thing I know, I'll be watching the Chargers play and I'm bawling by myself in my PJ's because I can't believe that my dad can't see what an awesome season they are having.
This is the time of year where my dad would have been at his PRIME. It's an election year. He would have been right there on the frontlines waving signs by freeway exits before he goes into work...just to make sure his voice is heard.
I think of my daddy EVERY SINGLE DAY WITHOUT FAIL. I cry at least every night or dream of him every week in some form.
IF THAT'S JUST STUFF TO YOU, THEN KISS MY ASS.
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