Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Sometimes I hate my thoughts. They get me in so much trouble. I seem to create scenarios in my head that become escalated to the point of panic...but no one else is panicking but me. I do that in the times where there are lulls. I don't think I live within my head, but I guess I do. My iPod kept me busy all weekend...trying to figure out how to make that damned thing work. But I don't want to keep finding things just to keep me busy. I'll be poor!
The worst is right now, when I feel SO needy. There's so much that I want to say at this point while typing, but I can't. It becomes too real when it's all out in black and white, which is probably why I keep it in my head.
I wonder how differently I'd feel if my dad was around. Would I feel more stable and grounded and not so flighty? I can't get a handle on these emotions lately. It's like trying to lasso the wind.
The worst is right now, when I feel SO needy. There's so much that I want to say at this point while typing, but I can't. It becomes too real when it's all out in black and white, which is probably why I keep it in my head.
I wonder how differently I'd feel if my dad was around. Would I feel more stable and grounded and not so flighty? I can't get a handle on these emotions lately. It's like trying to lasso the wind.
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