any second now...

Friends, please do not be alarmed. I'm going through many many feelings, and this is one of them.

I think this is the first time I've ever been "depressed". I know I've felt sad before, but that was over stuff that was easily resolved. What I'm feeling is something that underlies everything that I'm doing...even at work. I feel like I'm not fulilled at work, either. I feel like I'm going through the motions, but not really caring.

This is really the first time I've ever felt like this. I'm so lost. It's really been there for awhile, but I've been so busy that I've pushed it aside.

I think I need to be alone somewhere for awhile. I wish I could do what my mom did and go to Canada or somewhere for about a month and dry out. I want to go somewhere where I can cry for days and not worry about anything interrupting me. I'm always trying to hide my feelings and going to work, or out with friends, or even at home. I'm never in the emotion I'm feeling when I'm experiencing it because I'm constantly hiding what I'm feeling in order to function in my everyday life.

So then all of my other interactions with people are affected. I'm forgetful, demanding, unreasonable and irrational. I'm easily irritated. I think everything is personal against me, and I'm easily hurt.

Dear Lord, I need time away. I really do. Just from everything and everyone. I just need to be honest with myself and my feelings, and I can't do that with everyone around me.