Tuesday, August 24, 2004
So...I put up that horoscope yesterday, and yet I absolutely did not heed it. But you know, as I said before...I'm all over the place. My emotions are on haywire right now. I think I can handle things, but then I hit a snag, and it's all out the window.
I think I'm trying too hard to "do it all". I think that I can be stronger than I am, and I'm really not sometimes. I know a lot of what I'm going through may not be so rational. My thoughts float between rational and irrational, and I'm reading that "it's ok to be that way right now".
I'm TIRED of being that way, but I can't help it. I look around at everything that I've done with my room and the bathroom, and I see the new furniture and new fixtures and realize that I did this BECAUSE of my situation. I can't get away from it. Even when I go away, I know that I'm able to get away because of the money my dad left my family. When I get a new condo, it's because of my daddy. And yes, it's because he wanted us to be well taken care of, but I WOULD TRADE IT ALL IN IF I COULD HAVE MY DADDY ALIVE AGAIN.
I think I'm trying too hard to "do it all". I think that I can be stronger than I am, and I'm really not sometimes. I know a lot of what I'm going through may not be so rational. My thoughts float between rational and irrational, and I'm reading that "it's ok to be that way right now".
I'm TIRED of being that way, but I can't help it. I look around at everything that I've done with my room and the bathroom, and I see the new furniture and new fixtures and realize that I did this BECAUSE of my situation. I can't get away from it. Even when I go away, I know that I'm able to get away because of the money my dad left my family. When I get a new condo, it's because of my daddy. And yes, it's because he wanted us to be well taken care of, but I WOULD TRADE IT ALL IN IF I COULD HAVE MY DADDY ALIVE AGAIN.
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