Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I often wonder how I get through days like this. I'm incredibly sad, and here I am at work, trying to muddle through. I feel sleepy and weighted.
I wanted to come into work, not only to get through a training that is required, but because I needed to be out. I just didn't want to be at home, and I didn't want to be anywhere else either.
I was just listening to Adam Sandler on the radio earlier this morning, and he was talking about his dog, Meatball. He's had that dog for awhile, and he died not too long after he got married (I think). Then this year, his father passed away...then I thought about Weird Al, and both his parents live here in San Diego and died in a carbon monoxide accident...both at the same time, and they were healthy otherwise.
It was strange to think about that because you think "they're celebrities, what would they know about what I'm going through, they have their money to keep them warm and safe at night." But you hear about the tragedy of their loss and suddenly the world shrinks again.
I've been saying that death is the great equalizer. Everyone is born, and everyone dies. These 2 things are inevitable. It's just the where and when that differs, and how one lives their lives. But we are all human, and death reminds us of that.
So I know what Adam Sandler and Weird Al are going through, and if they knew about me, they'd feel the same way. It's strange for me to equate that to my situation, but there's safety in numbers...there's comfort in knowing that it's a part of life and that's what will make me feel like I'm not alone in this.
And I'm not alone. I have my family and friends. But this day just makes me very aware and reminds me not to focus on the little things. I forget that everyone is going through something of their own, and that although what I'm going through is quite large and extreme, not everyone is going through it. People try to see this from my point of view, but they can't. They really can't. And I'm not making them because it's not fair.
But forgive me if I forget a little and wallow in this every now and again. Sometimes the pain overtakes me and I am drowning.
This is one of those times...
I wanted to come into work, not only to get through a training that is required, but because I needed to be out. I just didn't want to be at home, and I didn't want to be anywhere else either.
I was just listening to Adam Sandler on the radio earlier this morning, and he was talking about his dog, Meatball. He's had that dog for awhile, and he died not too long after he got married (I think). Then this year, his father passed away...then I thought about Weird Al, and both his parents live here in San Diego and died in a carbon monoxide accident...both at the same time, and they were healthy otherwise.
It was strange to think about that because you think "they're celebrities, what would they know about what I'm going through, they have their money to keep them warm and safe at night." But you hear about the tragedy of their loss and suddenly the world shrinks again.
I've been saying that death is the great equalizer. Everyone is born, and everyone dies. These 2 things are inevitable. It's just the where and when that differs, and how one lives their lives. But we are all human, and death reminds us of that.
So I know what Adam Sandler and Weird Al are going through, and if they knew about me, they'd feel the same way. It's strange for me to equate that to my situation, but there's safety in numbers...there's comfort in knowing that it's a part of life and that's what will make me feel like I'm not alone in this.
And I'm not alone. I have my family and friends. But this day just makes me very aware and reminds me not to focus on the little things. I forget that everyone is going through something of their own, and that although what I'm going through is quite large and extreme, not everyone is going through it. People try to see this from my point of view, but they can't. They really can't. And I'm not making them because it's not fair.
But forgive me if I forget a little and wallow in this every now and again. Sometimes the pain overtakes me and I am drowning.
This is one of those times...
Comments:
Post a Comment
