Friday, July 02, 2004
Have you heard the saying, "No one can make you feel guilty without your consent?" A former boss of mine used to say that all the time.
I think that should be the same thing for unhappiness or sadness. No one should make you feel sad without your consent.
Don't you think happiness is a choice? I believe there are people out there who believe the whole "Misery loves company" idea, and I for one am not one of them.
I was sad this morning for reasons other than my father. I shouldn't be sad because I had a great night out last night with my work buddies: happy hour beers, other drinks, free gifts (the Kuya citrus rum girls were out and I got a shirt that says, "Do Ya Kuya?", which is hilarious if you are Filipino...), good conversation, good food, good company and a funny movie ("Dodgeball").
All in all, a good time.
Then I got home and started wallowing about things that I used to wallow about prior to my father's death. I won't go into what those things are, but it's the typical "woe is me" kinda thing.
But I thought about it this morning when one of my co-workers came to my desk and chatted with me about "Dodgeball" last night, and "Josie & The Pussycats" a totally CUTE movie which I adore...and we started giggling about funny lines from each movie. That's when I realized, "What am I sad about?"
I am overall extremely sad about my father, that is a given. But what else is making me sad? Not having a boyfriend? Not being at a career I want?
Maybe...the career thing I can change in an instant if I really wanted to. I'm a little lazy on jumping ship at my current job. So is it the other thing? Another co-worker of mine just got engaged. I'm always happy to hear about things like that, but sometimes it reminds me that I'm not there.
But so what if I'm not there? I guess it's embedded in my culture that "husband=happiness" and I'm somehow not complete without a life partner, especially at my age. My aunt said to me in Toronto a couple of weeks ago, "Why aren't you married? Don't be like me...don't do what I did..."
Ok, let me explain what my aunt "did":
- Graduated from college as the youngest of 8
- Moved herself out of the Philippines to Italy for at least 5+ years, learning fluent Italian in the process
- Moved to Toronto, where she still resides and has owned at least 2 homes
- Has enough money to be comfortable, and still send money to the Philippines when anyone needs it (I think she even put one of my cousins through dental school)
Why WOULNDN'T I want to be like her??!! You know why she thinks that (along with my mom and other older women in "that generation")? Because she's not married and has no children. She has a long term boyfriend of about 10 years now. She loves him, and he loves her, but they know they can't live with each other, so they decided not to get married. If it works, isn't that the most important thing? I think we're at the age where the gals of "Sex And The City" are no longer "old maids". I am not the only one of my friends not married in her 30's.
Don't get me wrong, I'd like to be there eventually, but if I don't get there...then I won't let that dictate my happiness. And I think it's sad that my aunt would probably be happier if she didn't have the fact that she's not married hanging over her like a bad omen. As much as I love her, I won't let her pass that sentiment over to me and allow it to swallow up the rest of me and how I live my life.
I will not have concentual sadness, especially not from myself.
I think that should be the same thing for unhappiness or sadness. No one should make you feel sad without your consent.
Don't you think happiness is a choice? I believe there are people out there who believe the whole "Misery loves company" idea, and I for one am not one of them.
I was sad this morning for reasons other than my father. I shouldn't be sad because I had a great night out last night with my work buddies: happy hour beers, other drinks, free gifts (the Kuya citrus rum girls were out and I got a shirt that says, "Do Ya Kuya?", which is hilarious if you are Filipino...), good conversation, good food, good company and a funny movie ("Dodgeball").
All in all, a good time.
Then I got home and started wallowing about things that I used to wallow about prior to my father's death. I won't go into what those things are, but it's the typical "woe is me" kinda thing.
But I thought about it this morning when one of my co-workers came to my desk and chatted with me about "Dodgeball" last night, and "Josie & The Pussycats" a totally CUTE movie which I adore...and we started giggling about funny lines from each movie. That's when I realized, "What am I sad about?"
I am overall extremely sad about my father, that is a given. But what else is making me sad? Not having a boyfriend? Not being at a career I want?
Maybe...the career thing I can change in an instant if I really wanted to. I'm a little lazy on jumping ship at my current job. So is it the other thing? Another co-worker of mine just got engaged. I'm always happy to hear about things like that, but sometimes it reminds me that I'm not there.
But so what if I'm not there? I guess it's embedded in my culture that "husband=happiness" and I'm somehow not complete without a life partner, especially at my age. My aunt said to me in Toronto a couple of weeks ago, "Why aren't you married? Don't be like me...don't do what I did..."
Ok, let me explain what my aunt "did":
- Graduated from college as the youngest of 8
- Moved herself out of the Philippines to Italy for at least 5+ years, learning fluent Italian in the process
- Moved to Toronto, where she still resides and has owned at least 2 homes
- Has enough money to be comfortable, and still send money to the Philippines when anyone needs it (I think she even put one of my cousins through dental school)
Why WOULNDN'T I want to be like her??!! You know why she thinks that (along with my mom and other older women in "that generation")? Because she's not married and has no children. She has a long term boyfriend of about 10 years now. She loves him, and he loves her, but they know they can't live with each other, so they decided not to get married. If it works, isn't that the most important thing? I think we're at the age where the gals of "Sex And The City" are no longer "old maids". I am not the only one of my friends not married in her 30's.
Don't get me wrong, I'd like to be there eventually, but if I don't get there...then I won't let that dictate my happiness. And I think it's sad that my aunt would probably be happier if she didn't have the fact that she's not married hanging over her like a bad omen. As much as I love her, I won't let her pass that sentiment over to me and allow it to swallow up the rest of me and how I live my life.
I will not have concentual sadness, especially not from myself.
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