Wednesday, June 02, 2004
I went to Vegas this weekend to visit my dear friend who was just accepted as a transfer student to UNLV. He's got a great house and it will be a cute place when it's done. We went to Lake Mead and had fun about the town, as well as getting some preliminary things done for his house. It's SO hot there! Needless to say, I will be visiting Vegas more often than I normally do.
But we had an argument over the holiday weekend, and it while most of it was valid...I wasn't sure how the things that are happening with my family and father play into how I felt at that time.
My question of the day is: Just how sensitive am I allowed to be?
I just don't want to use my family situation as a crutch or leverage whenever I get into any arguments or debates. I don't want people to think that they can't say what they need to say to me because of what happened with my dad.
While I am overly sensitive right now, I guess I've always been emotionally sensitive. But even so, I hate it when people feel sorry for me. I can hold my own, and I can defend myself when necessary. I can stand up for myself, and I'm not weak even though I am emotional.
So now I'm wondering: am I trying TOO hard to stand up for myself? Am I trying to be too brave by trying to prove myself? Am I creating situations just to prove I'm not weak?
On the forefront of my mind is my mother and how she is. Lately, she has been on the worst side of weak. I love her so much that it hurts me that she seems to be pretending to be weaker than I know she is. She seems to be retreating into herself, and my sister and I are concerned.
If I tell her that I know she is being extreme, she will be offended. She will think I'm attacking her. If I let her be, she will think it's ok to be the way she is. I know we're all having a hard time...and now is even more difficult because she is seeing all of the Father's Day celebrations beginning, and we don't have my daddy here anymore. But while I am a sensitive and emotional person, I'm not letting that take hold of me, and I can see that it has engulfed my mother in waves.
I'm going to Canada on June 18-21. I will be dropping my mother off to my aunt in Toronto. I will miss her dearly, but I know this will be good for everyone to gain some perspective.
But we had an argument over the holiday weekend, and it while most of it was valid...I wasn't sure how the things that are happening with my family and father play into how I felt at that time.
My question of the day is: Just how sensitive am I allowed to be?
I just don't want to use my family situation as a crutch or leverage whenever I get into any arguments or debates. I don't want people to think that they can't say what they need to say to me because of what happened with my dad.
While I am overly sensitive right now, I guess I've always been emotionally sensitive. But even so, I hate it when people feel sorry for me. I can hold my own, and I can defend myself when necessary. I can stand up for myself, and I'm not weak even though I am emotional.
So now I'm wondering: am I trying TOO hard to stand up for myself? Am I trying to be too brave by trying to prove myself? Am I creating situations just to prove I'm not weak?
On the forefront of my mind is my mother and how she is. Lately, she has been on the worst side of weak. I love her so much that it hurts me that she seems to be pretending to be weaker than I know she is. She seems to be retreating into herself, and my sister and I are concerned.
If I tell her that I know she is being extreme, she will be offended. She will think I'm attacking her. If I let her be, she will think it's ok to be the way she is. I know we're all having a hard time...and now is even more difficult because she is seeing all of the Father's Day celebrations beginning, and we don't have my daddy here anymore. But while I am a sensitive and emotional person, I'm not letting that take hold of me, and I can see that it has engulfed my mother in waves.
I'm going to Canada on June 18-21. I will be dropping my mother off to my aunt in Toronto. I will miss her dearly, but I know this will be good for everyone to gain some perspective.
Comments:
The whole weakness/emotionality/strength thing -- idn't it a bitch?
I wrote something about it once. Would you like to hear it? Here it goes...
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I wrote something about it once. Would you like to hear it? Here it goes...
