Tuesday, May 25, 2004
It's been a little while since I've written in here. My schedule has been so hectic since I've been trying to move and helping my friend and his mother move.
I think I miss my dad more and more because it's now really hitting home. It will be 3 months on June 7, and I am definitely living from day to day. The only way I even survive is getting from one weekend to the next. I think that's why I feel so busy, because I'm trying to plan for the next week.
We took assessment tests last week, and I have discovered a significant change in how I look at everything. I think I used to be more worried about things. I believe that I was always wanting to be innovative and needing much change. The tests that I took last week show that my priorities have shifted. I am looking more my own personal security and the security of my family rather than the immedicacy of change and the things that affect my externally.
I know that sounds confusing, but I took a test called "Career Anchors". These are the types of career anchors:
Technical/Functional
General Mangement
Autonomy/Independence
Security/Stability
Entrepreneurial
Service/Dedication to a Cause
Pure Challenge
Lifestyle
I ended up being "Security/Stability" and "Lifestyle". I really belive that a year ago, I would have been Entrepreneurial or Autonomy. I was always up for change, always up for a challenge. Suddenly, my family and security and how my work will fit in with my lifestyle are most important.
We took another test called "I-Speak". Here are the catgories for that assessment:
Intuitive
Thinker
Sensor
Feeler
In normal working situations, I am more the "Intuitive" type style, where in stressful situations, I become a "Feeler". I guess it was assessed that I look at "the big picture" in my job, then when stressed, I want to make sure everyone is feeling ok.
For the most part, these tests were in line with my general outlook, but I guess I'm not as worried or wrestless as I used to be. I really think I'm more laid back and things just kinda roll off my back. I guess I thought I was a sensor...which is the "Just Do It" people. Do what you can now, worry about it later.
Everything that has to do with my father's passing has changed. Not that my core being has changed...I'm stil the same person. But my outlook on life has. Things that used to set me off last year...or even earlier this year just don't matter to me. I feel like my friendships with people have strengthened. I feel like the things that used to worry me externally are so silly now. But there was no other way for me to learn, right?
I miss my father deeply. I think about the fact that he's not on some weird vacation...he's just not coming back. He's not on deployment, he's not on a business related trip...he's never coming back.
The reality of that is what keeps me more mellow. I'm stressed from moving and doing too many projects...but my outlook has softened. Immediacy and urgency are no longer commonplace.
Ok, damnit...I didn't mean to start crying here at work. I better stop typing for a little bit...
I think I miss my dad more and more because it's now really hitting home. It will be 3 months on June 7, and I am definitely living from day to day. The only way I even survive is getting from one weekend to the next. I think that's why I feel so busy, because I'm trying to plan for the next week.
We took assessment tests last week, and I have discovered a significant change in how I look at everything. I think I used to be more worried about things. I believe that I was always wanting to be innovative and needing much change. The tests that I took last week show that my priorities have shifted. I am looking more my own personal security and the security of my family rather than the immedicacy of change and the things that affect my externally.
I know that sounds confusing, but I took a test called "Career Anchors". These are the types of career anchors:
Technical/Functional
General Mangement
Autonomy/Independence
Security/Stability
Entrepreneurial
Service/Dedication to a Cause
Pure Challenge
Lifestyle
I ended up being "Security/Stability" and "Lifestyle". I really belive that a year ago, I would have been Entrepreneurial or Autonomy. I was always up for change, always up for a challenge. Suddenly, my family and security and how my work will fit in with my lifestyle are most important.
We took another test called "I-Speak". Here are the catgories for that assessment:
Intuitive
Thinker
Sensor
Feeler
In normal working situations, I am more the "Intuitive" type style, where in stressful situations, I become a "Feeler". I guess it was assessed that I look at "the big picture" in my job, then when stressed, I want to make sure everyone is feeling ok.
For the most part, these tests were in line with my general outlook, but I guess I'm not as worried or wrestless as I used to be. I really think I'm more laid back and things just kinda roll off my back. I guess I thought I was a sensor...which is the "Just Do It" people. Do what you can now, worry about it later.
Everything that has to do with my father's passing has changed. Not that my core being has changed...I'm stil the same person. But my outlook on life has. Things that used to set me off last year...or even earlier this year just don't matter to me. I feel like my friendships with people have strengthened. I feel like the things that used to worry me externally are so silly now. But there was no other way for me to learn, right?
I miss my father deeply. I think about the fact that he's not on some weird vacation...he's just not coming back. He's not on deployment, he's not on a business related trip...he's never coming back.
The reality of that is what keeps me more mellow. I'm stressed from moving and doing too many projects...but my outlook has softened. Immediacy and urgency are no longer commonplace.
Ok, damnit...I didn't mean to start crying here at work. I better stop typing for a little bit...
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