Thursday, April 22, 2004
I want to disappear. Not forever...but for a week. I would really like to be somewhere else other than here.
A couple of things I learned yesterday:
Lesson 1. Not everyone learns the same life lessons from the same life experience.
I'm typing and re-typing this part of my blog because I have so many mixed feelings about what's going on. I'm angry about an argument that I had with my family last night...mostly with my mom. She doesn't seem to get that her emotions are too much for the immediate family. We are having a difficult time dealing, and she likes to pin the whole fucking thing on ME.
I have learned to let go. I can't remember the things I was pissed about before my father died. I remember the events, but I can't recall the feelings because they suddenly fell away. All of the insignificant incidents that happened just don't matter anymore.
Why can't she see that? My mother thinks that everything that's happening is happening to HER ONLY. She says things like she doesn't want to be alive anymore, and she doesn't think about what it means to me and my sister. When she gets pissed enough, she grabs her purse and keys to the car like she's fucking going somewhere...and I have NO IDEA WHY.
I'm not a fucking professional. I'm her FUCKING DAUGHTER. I want us to go to councelling, but she says she doesn't need one.
She needs one. WE need one.
Lesson 2. Honesty is not always the best policy.
I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes, the policy of truth is not always the best one. Sometimes one doesn't need to delve deeper into the subject. Sometimes the phrase "leave well enough alone" is true.
"Sometimes, the truth is harder than the pain inside..."
A couple of things I learned yesterday:
Lesson 1. Not everyone learns the same life lessons from the same life experience.
I'm typing and re-typing this part of my blog because I have so many mixed feelings about what's going on. I'm angry about an argument that I had with my family last night...mostly with my mom. She doesn't seem to get that her emotions are too much for the immediate family. We are having a difficult time dealing, and she likes to pin the whole fucking thing on ME.
I have learned to let go. I can't remember the things I was pissed about before my father died. I remember the events, but I can't recall the feelings because they suddenly fell away. All of the insignificant incidents that happened just don't matter anymore.
Why can't she see that? My mother thinks that everything that's happening is happening to HER ONLY. She says things like she doesn't want to be alive anymore, and she doesn't think about what it means to me and my sister. When she gets pissed enough, she grabs her purse and keys to the car like she's fucking going somewhere...and I have NO IDEA WHY.
I'm not a fucking professional. I'm her FUCKING DAUGHTER. I want us to go to councelling, but she says she doesn't need one.
She needs one. WE need one.
Lesson 2. Honesty is not always the best policy.
I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes, the policy of truth is not always the best one. Sometimes one doesn't need to delve deeper into the subject. Sometimes the phrase "leave well enough alone" is true.
"Sometimes, the truth is harder than the pain inside..."
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