Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Something else that just came to mind are anniversaries. I'm terrible at creating anniversaries in my head about certain events that have occurred in my life.
Mind you, events are things that I alone think are "events" and may just be moments or passings in other people's lives...but I have been surprised to find that the event was just as important to that person, too.
April 7, 2004 will be a difficult month anniversary. I will now associate any date with "7" in it as having to do with my father. I don't know anyone close to me with a birthday or anniversay on the "7th", which will make things easier.
Even more difficult still will be March 7, 2005.
I hate that anniversary.
I guess you could say I'm in the second phase of grief.
1. Shock and denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining and guilt
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
These, as the pamphlets and websites have stated, are interchangeable and are often combined. I seem to be following the pattern to a "t".
I'm PISSED. Why is such a great man gone? How was it that we weren't given options at the hospital? Was this really an emergency, "cut the mass outta his head out now" kind of procedure? Could we have shrunk it? Should we have been warned that this may be the last time we would see my daddy alive?
Then I get angry at myself. Could I have been nicer to my dad that week? Could I have gone to the adjuster to look at my car so that my dad wouldn't have worried so much that the last words he said to me before he left this earth wasn't "don't forget to call the insurance company so you can get an estimate on the damage to your car"?
At least I gave my daddy one last father/daughter kiss before he passed.
Then I get angry at his grave site. Why oh WHY do I have to have a father/daughter chat with my dad through a patch of grass? Soon it will have a stone marker...and we have to decide what this marker will say as a testimony to the years my father has lived as a wonderful father and husband.
It will have to be done in about 1 line.
How do you fit a lifetime of memories, emotions, thoughts, prayers, childhood, adulthood and everything inbetween in just one line?
Geez, I don't want to angry at the number 1, too...
Mind you, events are things that I alone think are "events" and may just be moments or passings in other people's lives...but I have been surprised to find that the event was just as important to that person, too.
April 7, 2004 will be a difficult month anniversary. I will now associate any date with "7" in it as having to do with my father. I don't know anyone close to me with a birthday or anniversay on the "7th", which will make things easier.
Even more difficult still will be March 7, 2005.
I hate that anniversary.
I guess you could say I'm in the second phase of grief.
1. Shock and denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining and guilt
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
These, as the pamphlets and websites have stated, are interchangeable and are often combined. I seem to be following the pattern to a "t".
I'm PISSED. Why is such a great man gone? How was it that we weren't given options at the hospital? Was this really an emergency, "cut the mass outta his head out now" kind of procedure? Could we have shrunk it? Should we have been warned that this may be the last time we would see my daddy alive?
Then I get angry at myself. Could I have been nicer to my dad that week? Could I have gone to the adjuster to look at my car so that my dad wouldn't have worried so much that the last words he said to me before he left this earth wasn't "don't forget to call the insurance company so you can get an estimate on the damage to your car"?
At least I gave my daddy one last father/daughter kiss before he passed.
Then I get angry at his grave site. Why oh WHY do I have to have a father/daughter chat with my dad through a patch of grass? Soon it will have a stone marker...and we have to decide what this marker will say as a testimony to the years my father has lived as a wonderful father and husband.
It will have to be done in about 1 line.
How do you fit a lifetime of memories, emotions, thoughts, prayers, childhood, adulthood and everything inbetween in just one line?
Geez, I don't want to angry at the number 1, too...
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