Tuesday, March 30, 2004
It is my sister's birthday today, and my auntie is leaving for Canada tonight, and she had a talk with me and my sister. She just wanted to let us know that this is going to be the difficult part of the healing process...new household dynamic, the new financial burdens, but most of all, the new situation for my mother.
I love my mom with all of my heart. She is a great mother, and has raised us with the love and attention all children should receive from their mothers. She is the emotional side to my father's reason, and they made for great parents. My mother is all heart...she is a giant walking heart. She feels everything and feels for everyone.
I know I can be impatient with her at times, but it's because I don't understand why she doesn't see how wonderful she is. She is so afraid that we will leave her if we get annoyed with her because of what is going on...and I have told her over and over that we will never EVER do that to her.
Yes, I did move out...but that's growing pains. That's my own independence and need for autonomy that made me want to be on my own. My mother needs both me and my sister, and there's nothing that can deter me from being there for her.
It breaks my heart that she believes that my sister and I are capable of leaving her in her time of need. But I guess it's because the person she leaned on the most has suddenly left her, and what's to say that we won't either. In her mind, the worst possible thing has happened...and then next worst thing would be for her children to leave.
My vow to my mother is to take care of her for the rest of my life. For me-since I am unmarried, nor do I have a boyfriend right now-the worst possible thing would be to lose a parent...and I can't let the next worst thing happen...
which is to lose the other one.
I love you so much mommy...
I love my mom with all of my heart. She is a great mother, and has raised us with the love and attention all children should receive from their mothers. She is the emotional side to my father's reason, and they made for great parents. My mother is all heart...she is a giant walking heart. She feels everything and feels for everyone.
I know I can be impatient with her at times, but it's because I don't understand why she doesn't see how wonderful she is. She is so afraid that we will leave her if we get annoyed with her because of what is going on...and I have told her over and over that we will never EVER do that to her.
Yes, I did move out...but that's growing pains. That's my own independence and need for autonomy that made me want to be on my own. My mother needs both me and my sister, and there's nothing that can deter me from being there for her.
It breaks my heart that she believes that my sister and I are capable of leaving her in her time of need. But I guess it's because the person she leaned on the most has suddenly left her, and what's to say that we won't either. In her mind, the worst possible thing has happened...and then next worst thing would be for her children to leave.
My vow to my mother is to take care of her for the rest of my life. For me-since I am unmarried, nor do I have a boyfriend right now-the worst possible thing would be to lose a parent...and I can't let the next worst thing happen...
which is to lose the other one.
I love you so much mommy...
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