Thursday, March 25, 2004
I visited my dad's grave today (2nd time this week).
It just doesn't sink in until I go there. I go there to make sure I know it's real, otherwise I'll just dilute myself into thinking that it's a temporary situation.
But it's permanent.
It's a nice day today...clear, but breezy. The grass was warm, but still moist to the touch. There's still a line of dirt around the patch of grass and hasn't quite blended in yet.
In time the grass will grow into those spaces. In time the stone marker will be there, with his name on it. In time, the newness of the grief will ease...
There is nothing in this world that I can compare to this feeling. I think about some of the hurt that I felt in the last 6 months from various things that don't seem as painful anymore. When I think about some of those feelings, then I hold them up to next to this one incredible feeling and weigh out the differences...it makes everything look so small in comparison.
I would never wish this feeling on anyone. I know we'll all have to go through it, but not this way.
But what I do have is the ability to deal with everything. That may sound arrogant, but it's true. Since I can't find anything that would feel as frightening as this pain is, then I know I can handle anything that is placed in front of me.
I may not always have an answer or a solution, but I can definitely see that nothing is ever as final as the grave my father rests in.
There is hope and possibility in all things that are still in this living world.
It just doesn't sink in until I go there. I go there to make sure I know it's real, otherwise I'll just dilute myself into thinking that it's a temporary situation.
But it's permanent.
It's a nice day today...clear, but breezy. The grass was warm, but still moist to the touch. There's still a line of dirt around the patch of grass and hasn't quite blended in yet.
In time the grass will grow into those spaces. In time the stone marker will be there, with his name on it. In time, the newness of the grief will ease...
There is nothing in this world that I can compare to this feeling. I think about some of the hurt that I felt in the last 6 months from various things that don't seem as painful anymore. When I think about some of those feelings, then I hold them up to next to this one incredible feeling and weigh out the differences...it makes everything look so small in comparison.
I would never wish this feeling on anyone. I know we'll all have to go through it, but not this way.
But what I do have is the ability to deal with everything. That may sound arrogant, but it's true. Since I can't find anything that would feel as frightening as this pain is, then I know I can handle anything that is placed in front of me.
I may not always have an answer or a solution, but I can definitely see that nothing is ever as final as the grave my father rests in.
There is hope and possibility in all things that are still in this living world.
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